Fire Eater
Or: an effigy elegy for multipurpose trauma
What would she do
If she knew
All that she had to go through
Because of the things YOU knew you could do
Because the rules are different for you
.
Because the brackets
Are hacks to attack those
Who lose track of their lack
Who can’t dream of slack
Who dream of a good slap
To the face of those who stab them in the back
.
I didn’t want to be teased, tossed, led into vengeance
I clung to love and humanity
Was never safe, couldn’t save my own sanity
Became an animal without a family
.
Cried and hid the tears because
Then you’d accuse me of vanity
.
This carceral state burns
The whole world into a prison
The decision’s been made,
Babies not even saved
From jails and devastation
I go numb, forget sensation
Because what the fuck do you mean
Kids in cages
Can never roll off my tongue
With anything but “WHEN THE FUCK
WILL IT EVER BE ENOUGH”
.
Who could make this shit up
.
Innocent: no one, not once
No, it’s a playground for the sons
Of oligarchs to make their mark
Don’t get me started on how
We’re all the mark
.
I can’t get started
Because I’ve been trained to go
From zero to rage
From okay to disdain
From numb to hate
From “that’s just the pain”
.
They need to birth more criminals
Because they need more workers
And those words have become the same
.
Our fate is their game
How much more can you take til you blow out your brains
And come back on Monday and do everything the same
And say you have only yourself to blame
.
Because then you’d have to wake up
Break tough
And fight the sun
Light yourself on fire
Invite them to touch
.
Frustrated from the sum of the scum
That is STILL not adding up and it’s still not done
Can the bar STILL get lower? I’m stunned
Can’t even make it out this dump
Emergency funds, but I’m still leaking blood
And you can’t bluff, you’re not tough, and I know you paid the judge
There is no reason, nothing just, just junk,
just because
Just instructions from the front to the jump
From the bump in the night from a thousand paper cuts
Inflamed, nothing changes
World staged, then rearranged
Can only play when I succumb
To remaining forever numb